My old van’s knackered and due for it’s MOT*
Over the years it’s served me well and got me from A to B
But things have taken a turn for the worse
In fact it’s become a joke
And now when I brake, I leave in my wake
A cloud of oily smoke.
The exhaust is hanging on with string
The speedo no longer works
There’s a knocking at the front - a screeching at the back
And they’re just the minor quirks
The indicators start flashing when I put the handbrake on
There’s a hole in the floor, a gap in the door
And the sills are nearly all gone.
Everywhere I go, it leaves a mess on the street
And everyone knows I am coming
When they hear that knocking beat
If I keep upsetting people I fear I am going to get lynched
So I leave it unlocked with the keys in the ignition
Hoping it will get pinched.
I’ve spoken to my local mechanic
Who sighs and rubs his chin
He warned me about buying second-hand
And the problems contained therein
“I’ve got a nice little runner” he says “that would suit
you down to the ground, it’s one I am selling for a mate.
And it’s only 2,000 pound”.
So ask your friends or anyone you know
If they want to buy a van
I’ve been told this model fetches a decent price
On the streets of Uzbekistan
A spacious two seater vehicle in rusty faded green
Suit tradesmen or similar
And definitely, ‘sold as seen’.
*MOT is the UK version of NCT