My Old Van's Knackered

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My old van’s knackered and due for it’s MOT*

Over the years it’s served me well and got me from A to B

But things have taken a turn for the worse

In fact it’s become a joke

And now when I brake, I leave in my wake 

A cloud of oily smoke.

The exhaust is hanging on with string

The speedo no longer works

There’s a knocking at the front - a screeching at the back

And they’re just the minor quirks

The indicators start flashing when I put the handbrake on

There’s a hole in the floor, a gap in the door

And the sills are nearly all gone.

Everywhere I go, it leaves a mess on the street

And everyone knows I am coming 

When they hear that knocking beat

If I keep upsetting people I fear I am going to get lynched

So I leave it unlocked with the keys in the ignition

Hoping it will get pinched.

I’ve spoken to my local mechanic 

Who sighs and rubs his chin

He warned me about buying second-hand 

And the problems contained therein

“I’ve got a nice little runner” he says “that would suit

you down to the ground, it’s one I am selling for a mate.

And it’s only 2,000 pound”.

So ask your friends or anyone you know

If they want to buy a van

I’ve been told this model fetches a decent price

On the streets of Uzbekistan

A spacious two seater vehicle in rusty faded green

Suit tradesmen or similar

And definitely, ‘sold as seen’.

*MOT is the UK version of NCT