New Mattress

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Sailing away on the South China Sea

Dreaming of lie-ins and cups of tea

An interesting article on Radio 3

This new mattress means a lot to me.

The last one became worn and old

It dipped in the middle and felt quite cold

It was a popular model, one million sold

Said the label that was threadbare and bald.

It served us well, it serves us right

Even though it was a bag of shite

It's been sent to a place where there is no light

At the bottom of our local landfill site.

Now let the crazy dreams begin

Like when I dreamt I was Gunga Din

And let them all be free from sin

Or put them in the wheelie bin.

I swear the other night we were over old Baghdad

With the 40 thieves chasing us in a cab.

I could smell the incense and taste the kebabs

Oh, what a wonderful time we had.

We can ride the lightning, and shoot the breeze

And hit upon a wizard wheeze

All because we’ve eaten cheese

The things we do in times like these.

No sleeping tablets, no need to weep

No cocoa, Nytol or counting sheep

Don’t ring the doorbell or make a peep

Some of us are trying to sleep.